Crying is one of the most natural human responses — and one of the most misunderstood. Many
people grow up receiving direct or indirect messages that crying is a sign of weakness, loss of control,
or emotional instability. Over time, those messages can create shame around something the body is
naturally designed to do.
In my work, I often meet people who describe themselves as “criers,” but say it with discomfort or
embarrassment. Some worry that if they start crying, they won’t be able to stop. Others worry about
being judged or appearing weak. Many simply describe crying as deeply uncomfortable.
And yet, if we look at how humans are designed, crying appears to be one of the body’s natural ways of
returning to balance.
Nature has embedded recovery systems directly into the human body. Crying appears to be one of
those systems — and when we suppress it, we often interrupt the body’s natural path back to
regulation.
Why So Many People Fear Crying
Fear of crying is rarely about tears themselves. It is usually about what crying is believed to mean.
Common fears include: – “If I start crying, I won’t stop.” – “People will think I’m weak.” – “I should be able
to handle this without crying.” – “Crying means I’m out of control.”
Many people have never actually tested these beliefs. They are inherited from family systems, cultural
messaging, or environments where emotional expression was discouraged or unsafe.
In some families and cultures, emotional expression is loud, communal, and supported. In others,
emotional expression is minimized, hidden, or pathologized. Neither experience is inherently right or
wrong — but they shape how safe crying feels later in life.
What Children Teach Us About Emotional Release
Children offer one of the clearest examples of how emotional regulation naturally works.
A child can cry intensely — fully and without inhibition — and then, minutes later, return to play,
connection, and joy. The emotional storm passes because the emotion was allowed to move through
the body instead of being held inside it.
The same child who was overwhelmed or angry can become affectionate, connected, and calm shortly
afterward. This is emotional completion in real time.
As adults, we are often taught to do the opposite. We delay tears, suppress them, or apologize for
them. But suppression often keeps the nervous system activated for much longer.
Many people find that allowing themselves a contained period of crying — even 10–20 minutes — can
be more regulating than spending an entire day fighting back tears.
The Science Behind the Benefits of Crying
While crying is often framed as purely emotional, research suggests it is also a biological and
regulatory process. Emotional tears are chemically different from reflex tears and appear connected to
stress regulation, nervous system recovery, and emotional processing.
1. Crying Supports Parasympathetic Nervous System Recovery
Following emotional crying, many individuals experience increased parasympathetic activation — the
body’s recovery state. This can include slowed breathing, muscle relaxation, and a subjective sense of
calm or emotional softening. This shift helps move the body out of prolonged stress activation and back
toward baseline functioning. Reference: Vingerhoets, A. (2013). Why Only Humans Weep: Unravelling
the Mysteries of Tears.
2. Emotional Tears May Help Reduce Stress Chemistry
Research suggests emotional tears contain higher concentrations of stress-related hormones and
proteins compared to reflex tears. While research is ongoing, some researchers hypothesize that crying
may help regulate internal stress chemistry. Reference: Frey, W. H. (1985). Crying: The Mystery of
Tears.
3. Crying Supports Emotional Processing in the Brain
Allowing emotional expression appears to reduce the physiological load associated with emotional
suppression. Chronic suppression has been linked to increased sympathetic nervous system activation
and increased stress burden. Reference: Gross, J. J., & Levenson, R. W. (1997). Emotional
suppression: Physiology, self-report, and expressive behavior.
4. Crying Supports Attachment and Social Co-Regulation
From an evolutionary and attachment perspective, crying functions as a signal designed to elicit care
and support. Humans are biologically wired to respond to distress signals, including tears, with soothing
and connection behaviors. Reference: Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and Loss.
5. Crying Supports Somatic Emotional Completion
From a somatic perspective, emotional expression allows activation cycles in the nervous system to
complete. When emotional activation is suppressed, it can remain held in the body. When allowed, it
can discharge and resolve more efficiently. Reference: Levine, P. (1997). Waking the Tiger: Healing
Trauma.
Why Suppressing Tears Often Keeps Us Stuck
Suppressing crying does not eliminate emotion — it delays it.
Many people describe spending entire days trying not to cry. This creates a constant internal tension:
holding emotion in while still feeling it underneath.
Allowing a contained period of emotional release often allows the nervous system to reset faster. After
crying, many people report being able to continue their day with more clarity and emotional steadiness
than when they spend hours suppressing emotion.
In many ways, crying is not emotional loss of control — it is emotional completion.
Nature Already Built This Into Us
If we step back and look at human biology, crying appears to be one of several built-in mechanisms
designed to help the body return to baseline.
And yet culturally, we often attach shame to the very processes designed to help us recover.
When we reject crying, we are often rejecting one of the body’s natural regulation tools.
Giving Yourself Permission to Cry
Crying does not need to be constant or uncontrolled to be healthy. For many people, allowing safe,
contained emotional release is enough to support regulation.
Crying does not mean you are weak. It does not mean you are broken. It does not mean you are losing
control. Often, it means your body is doing exactly what it was designed to do.
Closing
Crying is not emotional failure. It is one of the ways the body and brain work together to process stress,
emotion, and experience.
Sometimes the healthiest thing we can do is allow emotion to move instead of forcing it to stay trapped
inside us.
And sometimes, allowing that release is exactly what helps us get unstuck — and move forward with
greater clarity, regulation, and emotional strength.
Leave A Comment